khalo bushra has a stereo
that’s been playing the qur’an since 2007
i am sitting alone when i hear
وَعَسَىٰٓ أَن تُحِبُّوا۟ شَئًْا وَهُوَ شَرٌّ لَّكُمْ
perhaps you love a thing
and it is bad for you
i’ve been loving all the wrong
things since 2007
i look back and wish i knew better
how come i always get it wrong?

i lose you in the morning
when i am too naive to
listen to myself
perhaps my greatest loss
has always been my
self-loathing
i’ve been dissociating for
a year and refuse
to come home
i am floating
around my     body
and i do not want it
i would rather find refuge
in anyone but me

i don’t have any earthly possessions
i have never owned a thing
my body has not been
my own since 2007
i wish i could take it back
my body still shakes
when someone raises their
voice at it
it doesn’t know what it’s like
to be loved
َوَعَسَىٰٓ أَن تَكْرَهُوا۟ شَئًْا وَهُوَ خَيْرٌ لَّكُمْ
but perhaps you hate a thing
and it is good for you
i'm not so good
at telling the difference.